Dear Future Husband
This is going to be quite a long one… so you should probably take a seat.
Too many times I have overthought things. Height difference, career plans, (or my lack of such plans), number of children, travel plans, etc. I remember exactly 8 days before I said yes to you… having a serious discussion with Maame about how your height could make our relationship difficult. “What if we try to kiss and he can’t reach? What will we do about dancing on our wedding day? – We must dance ooh Salsa + Ballroom things + Hilife too!! What if he doesn’t even want to hold my hands in public, and it’s because he’s not that tall? Will I ever be able to wear heels again IN MY LIFE?? He’s too serious ooh… Plus when we get married, what if I want to go skinny dipping with him and he’s there doing those ‘serious boy’ long things? What if he doesn’t want to make out in elevators because of the possibility of getting ‘caught’?”
Hahaha… Oh Lord…very childish, I know (And believe me, these represent less than 2% of the ‘what ifs’ that run through my mind)
But then I said yes – three long years ago!
And I must say, you have done a good job. You’ve dealt with my coffee
addiction love, and my lack of a sense of direction. You have dealt well with my crazy imaginations, my ‘oversentimentality’ and wild longings – present and future alike. There’s definitely still a lot of it to come, so don’t get so comfortable yet lol.
Before you came along, I had a tall list that I sent to God – Tall, (Yes, that was sort of number one on the list lol), of course, God fearing (without being one of those church guys you cannot have a sensible conversation about life with), good looking (And I definitely got that!), craaazy, (There’s still some time for you to pick up this trait :D), He must open doors, and pull out chairs for me to sit. He must make surprise plans for us (which will excite me, of course) He must call me all sorts of beautiful nicknames. He must hold my hands when we walk and do forehead kisses on the regular, with love letters every now and then. He must have a constant desire to run his hands through my hair when we spend time together, and he must look into my eyes randomly (but often) and say nice nice things … generally, his romance game must be real strong! It must earn him A stars! Oh and of course, he must have a sizeable butt! (I won’t lie, God heard me LOUD and CLEAR on this one)! The list is quite long.
“You have many big dreams – don’t let go of them because of any man. Don’t let anyone clip your wings. You will fly. Choose someone who will fly with you, and push you higher. Your daddy pushed me for years until I was flying high above him. He did not feel threatened. On the days when I wanted to stop flying, he carried me – literally. He still pushes me. You need that kind of person.”
And so I chose you. Not because you fulfilled the things on my semi- childish list, or because you had patiently waited over a year. Not because of how charming you are, or how pretty your eyes and lips are 😉 and certainly not because of the butt, (although it did play a very tiny part)…
I chose you because you push me. You make me want to become better. Your successes inspire me, and I knew that God wanted to tell me something when he brought me ‘my short man.’
You already know that home isn’t always a place. Home is the feels. To me, home is someone giving you a reason to stay. Choosing you over and over again. You are home. You give me a reason to stay. You have not stopped choosing me. And I hope that after sixty years, we can still each feel like home to the other. No matter where in the world we find ourselves, I pray that you’ll be home to me, and I to you, always.
I know that I’m a really crappy person in the mornings when I haven’t had a good coffee… (Reason why we need a state of the art coffee machine in our home, wherever it will be), and I will always treat the dog as I would a baby – Yes, the dog may share our bed sometimes. (Also a reason why you should plan to get
me us a puppy soon– I would prefer a Saint Bernard or a Labrador, – No toy dogs! *hint hint*). You will almost always have a very hard time waking me up in the morning… unless of course you qualify your reason for waking me up :p
I know that I will irritate you a lot, annoy you often, and most likely not be the perfect person. I will worry your life for hugs and kisses all the time – or almost all the time. I will argue with you over very petty things – and I will probably argue harder when I know I’m wrong. I will mess up your table, and I will eat your food even when I said I was not hungry. I will make us stop in random places when we’ve planned to go somewhere. I will make you wear shorts so I can ogle your butt (You know this). I will make you wear slim fit shirts by force, and hide your bell shoes so you don’t even find them to wear. I will constantly piss you off. I will overthink things – both real and imaginary things. And I will impose what you call “fairy-tale things” on you… I will wake you up at night, like it or not, and I will be low key upset when you sleep early. I will make salads, lasagnes and vegetable sauces that you will have to eat, because not everyday rice rice rice!
But there can be no one else for you than me (Just as there can be no one else for me). Who else can always have your back and deal with all your wahala lol? Who else will deal with your annoying text language (what the hell is ‘gm’??) Who can deal with your 9pm all the time sleep time…? (Why on earth do you always sleep so early??) I don’t know who else can deal with the lack of adventure genes in your blood (Don’t worry, by association, these will be put in you with time 😉 )Or deal also with your annoying formal talk, “We should find the way forward soon, because it behoves on us to not give up .….” (You could have just said, ‘Honey we should figure this out soon’), Oh and your “quiet times” when I can’t get more than two sentences per hour out of you!
It doesn’t matter where work or life will take either of us – and I’m pretty sure it’ll take us many places; I promise to be there with you, and for you. I will make memories with you, wherever. I want to be 80 and have so many memories going on in my head that the kids (And grandkids) will hear a new one every now and then.
I want us to learn to live in the now, and not only for the future. No matter how busy we get, or how hard we’re working towards the awesome life we have planned, we shouldn’t let it steal from us the joy of this present moment. There will be times when you won’t have the time for me, and as you already know, this is absolutely fine – as long as you understand when the roles are reversed. In our chosen career, we both know there will be times when the sacrifices we will have to make for other people will cost us. But I hope we don’t make those occurrences habitual. I hope that no matter what emergency situation I’m taking care of, everyone knows that if you were to call, or appear, you’d be top priority!
I need you to understand one more thing. As you already know, you have some pretty high expectations to meet. Expectations that were half set from watching my parents, and that have been in my heart since I was 6, when I first saw my parents kiss. I remember dad, not skipping a beat when mum got a job halfway across the continent. I watched him take mummy to the airport for every single trip she had to make – Right from Afghanistan, to Zimbabwe – and pick her up on every return. I watched him try to work his schedule so he could make some of these trips with her. I listened to them talk hours into the night when she returned from such trips. They have such a beautiful friendship, even after thirty years of marriage. They have not stopped showing affection, teasing each other, or playing and laughing together.
I also remember when mummy made a personal decision to quit her job to come and support dad at a time when he needed it. It was a grand sacrifice that I felt was unnecessary at the time. (What do I know?) But it showed me that tough decisions will be made. And no matter how hard they will be, they should not conquer what we have.
I admire your love for God. I admire how focused you are, how you can put your mind to one thing, and make it happen. I admire how clever you are, and how silly you can be when you want to be (I need more of this silly though lol). I admire how humble you are, and how modest you are. I admire how willing you are to make me happy. I admire the way you treat my family. I admire the way you treat kids – because we will have many of them. I admire the passion you have for your chosen field. I admire your standards and how high they’ve been set. I admire your strong commitment to purity. I admire the respect you have for me and for my views. I admire your heart. It’s a heart of gold, and every day, I thank God that He gave it to me. I value our friendship and our love. I appreciate all your efforts. Have I mentioned that I love your butt too?
I don’t want to keep going on and on. There will be other letters. There’s a lifetime ahead of us. I just want you to know today, that you’re one of the many things I thank God for. Daily! Sometimes more.
I know this letter is scattered, and not in a very sensible order. But it’s straight from my heart, and I just want it to convey one message to you. You are deeply loved and appreciated. No matter what. You mean a lot to me – you always will.
Cheers to the many years we have ahead of us, and to the beautiful life that God has planned for us. Cheers to love, purity and a deep commitment to each other.